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Monday, May 24, 2010

Robin Hood...steals brain cells from the intellegent folks who paid to see this crap...

SPOILER ALERT...Okay, so I know most of you could care less about the historical inaccuracies that Hollywood perpetuates BUT I DO! I cannot believe I paid good money to see a movie that was wrong on so many levels...costuming, architecture and historical happenings...I was so angry I had to catalog all of this for posterity. I mean that is why I have a blog...so I can give my opinion and no one can stop me...but I guess I could bore you to death so you don't have to read it.

1. First of all, King Richard the Lionheart did not die before he returned home from the Crusades. He returned home to England to punish his brother, Prince John, for plotting in his absence. He did not die until 5 years later at the siege of Chalus. It was correctly displayed in the movie except he didn't die on the battlefield of his wound...it was a longer, more drawn-out death of gangrene.

2. Prince John's, later King John, reputation was ruined once Disney got a hold of him and made him a snivelling, thumb-sucking lion...but this movie continued the tradition and made him a stupid, selfish brat. Did John always make the best decisions? No. Did his subjects love him like they loved Richard? No. But he was a much better king that Richard. For the record, Richard only spent a combined time of a FEW MONTHS in England in the 10 years he was King. Not to mention the taxes he raised for his wars and the ransom raised to free him when he was kidnapped. UGH!

3. The French Princess (wasn't actually a princess at all), Isabella, was indeed John's 2nd wife. They married after he put his first wife aside. However, she was 12 when they married...so a lot less romantic than they showed in the movie. Although, granted she was supposed to be a hottie, even at 12.

4. There were no chimneys at the time the movie was set, so the blazing fires in the fireplaces that you can see in the movie are a sham. They would have had a brazier in the middle of the room with a hole in the ceiling for the smoke to escape.

5. KING PHILIP OF FRANCE NEVER INVADED ENGLAND!!! The only time it could be said that he ever came close was when he supported his son, Louis, against John right before John's death. In fact, King Philip of France was said to have once had a relationship with Richard but it did not stop him from conspiring with John to keep Richard from returning to England after the Crusades. Even more interesting, Richard's mother, Eleanor of Aquitaine taxed England to raise the ransom to get Richard free from his captivity...John and Philip raised money to pay his kidnapper to keep him. (that's why he is taxing and collecting money in the traditional Robin Hood stories...not because he likes to sleep with bags of money a la Disney).

6. Last but not least, John did in fact sign the magic Charter of Rights that his Baron's laid before him...it's kind of famous, you might have heard of it...it's called the MAGNA CARTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did he try to nullify it, claiming he signed under duress? Yes. Did he sign under duress? Yes. Was it in order to untie the people to keep Philip from invading England. Um....no. Its because he spent so much more time in England, being a better King than Richard, that his Barons rose against him because they weren't used to having someone keep them from raping and pillaging the countryside. It was certainly not to give common people the "Liberty" they claimed was their right...that's a little much like "Braveheart"...whose inaccuracies would comprise an entirely separate post.

I am sure no one is reading this now so I can say whatever I want...so, I will say that history is interesting enough without MAKING IT UP! And two, my friend sent me a link to the pics from the wedding I was in last weekend and I could not have looked fatter or more disgusting. Ugh! =) And finally, I think I really do know way too much about English history for my own good...and yours.

1 comment:

  1. I am glad that you got that out of your system! -Kelly

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