Sorry to blog sooooo much about sharks but my friend, you know who you are, Dahling, sent me the funniest thing today and I thought I would share it with my loving audience! Enjoy it is FREAKING HILARIOUS! And for those of you who might accompany me to the beach....watch out...I am armed and a fast swimmer!
How to Survive a Shark Attack
1. Don't Swim in the Sea:
Over 99% of shark attacks occur in large water masses, also known as oceans. The way to establish if you are in an ocean is to taste the water, it will taste salty.
2. Swim with Fat People:
Always make sure that there are fat people already in the water before you enter. Chances are you will be able to swim faster than them and save yourself.
3. Don't go into the Water Without a Knife:
That's to stab the nearest swimmer when you see a shark. As soon as he/she bleeds profusely swim as fast as you can to shore and claim you tried your best to save him/her. You might end up getting an award for bravery.
4. Listen Intently:
All sharks have a "theme song"- If you hear the following swim for your life: Da-dum, Da-dum, Da-dum, then swim for your life. If it sounds like this: dadum, dadum, dadum, you're already gone.
5. Don't Panic:
Stay calm when a shark bites you, it's over. You're gone and it doesn't help you to try and survive. The people on the shore will appreciate it. They don't want to hear your mad yelling and screaming, it's not nice. Please think of the children.